MovieTalk-- Clash of the Titans.

First of all, there were no titans. Wtf? Actually fuck that. I'm going to spell it.
What. The. Fuck? I was looking forward to seeing some giant people fighting with Jake sully and Liam Neeson.
Oh, and Voldemort.
Wait a minute.
How amazing would that movie be?
"Harry Potter, the Avatars, and Neeson take his daughter back from Voldemort. In 3D"
SUPER amazing, thats how.

Let me now take the time to say that this post is riddled with spoilers. Full to the brim.
With spoilers.
So stop NOW if you don't want the movie to be ruined for you. If you've seen it, keep reading, and lets discuss this.









I knew from the beginning that its one of those stupid-dialogue-but-the-action-is-eye-popping movies. You know, like G.I Joe. But with monster and less black people. Actually, like none, but thats understandable.

I'm pretty easy to impress. Show me a cool battle scene and I'm all ooh! Aaah! Oh shit!
But they really need to work on better jokes and more believable dialogue. Mini Perseus in the beginning scenes sounded waaay too serious. He's talking about being jealous of his coming little sister, and he's all "That child is actually yours, and that worries me.I feel like you won't love me enough." And then his dad's like " Son, we'll always love you. Now lets smoke a couple of cigars and talk about this new health bill. What is your take on whether our economy can stand this new financial storm?" There are people who are in their 20's who still can't convey their emotions that clearly. But I guess something about living in Greece makes you mature faster.
And, wow, Percy gets over deaths really easily! Its like, BOOM, your family's dead. Sniffle, sniffle, BATTLE!
STAB, your girlfriend's dead. Frown, and then, OOH, HORSIE! Come on. He could have shown a couple of tears. Its still manly as long as you don't outright sob like a little girl. Or an emotional teen. Or a man who just lost his ENTIRE family and potential soul mate. Goodness.
Also, the whole thing could have been solved so easily. I hate when people in power use the common people to get back at each other. I never understood why Zeus and all of them banned Hades in the first place. Can't he rule the dead from Olympus too? And aren't they all siblings? Damn. You would expect a little more love between them.
But seriously. Zeus could have invited Hades and the rest of the family over for brunch. And then, over bagels, omelettes, and coffee, they could have worked out their issues without killing all of these people.
And what is wrong with Zeus?? They cast Liam Neeson, an actor previously portrayed as The Official Kicker of Ass, and all he does in this movie is have sex with the wrong person. And then feel sad because people aren't "loving" and "worshipping" him enough.

(Right before he releases the kraken. His biggest moment, basically.)

I'm not going to lie though, the action parts were freaking awesome. (I don't know how else to convey the awesomeness without using that word, so forgive the repeats). I was on the edge of my seat when they were fighting the giant scorpion things in the desert. And those skeleton-people things?? Oh man.
I loved when they were at Medusa's place and the skeletor man got all wrapped up in her snake-tail thing. She screamed at him, trying to get him to turn to stone and all, and he laughed like, "Bitch I'm already dead!"
Just awesome.
Another thing they got right was making Io the love interest. I mean, according to Greek mythology its supposed to be Andromeda, but they left to time for those two to interact. That chicka, (Io), saved their asses so many times its not even funny.
I was going to be PISSED if at the end Percy was like, "You're a great friend, but nah. Andromeda's hotter."

So basically, don't expect mundane things like "character development" and "emotion", let yourself be amazed by the action and technology, and you'll have a great time. I mean, not all movies can be all deep and shit. There's gotta be a few of these mindless ones in there to go along with the Pride & Prejudices and Titanics of the world.

I wonder If this is how cannibals feel

Just now, I was eating a pear while reading stuff on my computer.
Like this but with less cute.
I was really into this pear, man. Its juicy, its nice, and there's probably bits of skin stuck in my teeth, but whatever. Its pear time.
Anyway, about halfway through the pear, I bit into it especially hard and a bit of juice squirted out and splashed all over my computer screen.
My first thought was, "This is gross. Like porn-movie gross." But then, as I was cleaning it up and trying to remember how that happened, I noticed that it was not unlike a spurt of blood, spurting (isn't that a fun word?) from, I don't know, a body part.
One that a cannibal was eating. You know?




This post has no purpose.

Fall back names are important

I hate it when I'm in a situation that requires quick thinking.


Like during those elementary school "roasts". But believe me, I can roast. I can roast your ass so good you'll be as roasted as this chicken
, but not as delicious. That would be impossible.
Anyway.
I hate it when you're in an awkward possible stalker-like situation*, and the drunk/high/perverted guy blurts out, "Whats your name?" I always say my name.
Now you have to understand, my name isn't your typical "Susan", "Katie", or even I'm trying to be unique-yet-familiar, "Marie".
No. My name is Ariane. Ariane.
And why do I say my real name when I'm trying to get away from someone and not make it easier for them to find me?
Because I'm slow.
Anywho, I've decided that my fall back name is Kelly. It's pretty, it slips from my mouth easily (ha), and I can confidently say it without stuttering, which makes it more believable.
What is your fall back name?






*This has happened to me only once. But still. I hated it.

I have horrible skin.

Seriously.
Its like this
but on a face.
I just now realized that even though it hurts to pop these pimples, the hurt goes away if I'm looking at myself in the mirror as I pop them. Its like even my body acknowledges my satisfaction for gross and unspeakable things. Like the nasty white goo that oozes out of pimples.
I'm so gross.

I love the internet. I can share everything else thats weird about me, and no one has to know thats its me!

*smirk*

I'm not creepy in person. Probably.

But there are things that I feel are too personal to bring out in front of people I know.

Lets pretend we're at a fancy dinner party. And then, with people talking about stupid-yet-important things like taxes and the right way to eat burritos (I never know how to eat those things. They are huge and my mouth does not open that wide, so what am I supposed to do, use a knife and fork? No thank you. I'll stick to sandwiches)

Anyway. While all that meaningless chatter is going on, I go to pull out some chapstick out of my purse but then a diaper falls out. And then everyone goes quiet because no one knew I had a baby.

And then it turns out that the reason I didnt tell anyone about my baby is because I tried to adopt one and went through all the paperwork, and then finally got my baby. We fell in mother-child love, and I spent all my time with him, but then because I lost my job and was no longer able take care of him, so the government took him away.

And all of this was super traumatic and life-changing, so I preferred to just not tell anyone. That is, until that errant diaper fell out of my purse.

You see what I mean? Awkward.

The point of that is that I can be sociable and all, but some of the things that have happened to me are just too dramatic to go into. I would rather make tasteful* black jokes and laugh and have a good time then talk about my problems.

I'm going to blog** about my problems, and hopefully in a funny and interesting way. If not, I'm sorry for raping your eyes with my boring strangeness.

*I'm black. Any black jokes that I make are automatically tasteful and non-offensive.

**What kind of word is "blog" anyway? I mean, its a bunch of people talking about things on the internet. You know, talking. Or typing. Or writing. Where does a weird ass word like "blog" come from?If I didn't already know what it meant I would assume it was someone's pet slug's name or something.